Six Things to Eat

If you're in the mood for barfing, eat one or all of these things:

1. Screws.
2. A Crow's Beak.
3. Can of mace.
4. Can of mice.
5. Creamed corn mixed with bark.
6. Asbestos Sandwich.

Sorry About the Mess: A Star Wars FanFic by Andrew

Lately I've gotten SOOOO into fan fiction. I've been trying to capture the voice of the genre. Hope you enjoy.



Chewbacca was chilling at Mos Eisley cantina waiting for Han to get out of the bathroom which might take a while because Han had like 15 Beam and Blue Milk's and a double dewback burger with extra cheese and Chewie was getting really bored so he stood up and these two droids came up to him and they were hot-looking girl droids and Wuher the bartender was like we don't serve your kind here and Chewie growled at him a little bit so he chilled out.

"Hey sexy wookie we're two HRDs and we want to have a 3-way with you for the whole afternoon." They said.

And Chew grunted his approval and the chick droids asked for like 200 credits each and Chewie got pissed and growled (really loud!) and scared the two droids and then he tore the arm off of one and the leg off another and Wuher started laughing and then so did Chewie but the droids didn't and then Han stumbled out of the bathroom and was like "Hey Chewie let's get more drunk" and so they did and I think the droids just left or something.

Some diseases I made up.

1. Blood Face- This one really is bad because blood comes out of your face a lot. It's often very awkward, like when you're giving blood and the nurse can't find the vein in your arm. You start to get kind of noticeably upset, and the nurse is flustered cause it's her first day on the job. Then, blood starts to ooze from your face and she looks up, so you're like, "Well, your job just got a lot easier." She looks surprised, then relieved.
2. Yawning- It's contageous like a disease, am I right? So is laughter, sometimes.
   
3. Tuxedo Skin- Self-explanatory.
   
4. Being Annoying
5. Malaysian Melting Shin Disease- This mysterious and horrifying malady is contracted in Malaysia.
6. Thrombosis- Actually, some people have this.
7. Burning Belly- I think I have this. Right now.

Ouch.

See ya.

For Old Time's Sake

A new Story With Sauce, which I am only barely authorized to write. Maybe it should be called something else.


An invitation arrives. For an eating contest! The participants can choose what they eat. Mindy chooses jelly. Haper picks nickels. You go with bacon (bits?) WRONG CHOICE! It wasn't even an eating contest, it was obviously a food-choosing contest. Who will Dole out the punishment? You're waiting in the room, the little room with the faucet drip. Drip. Hum the tune... The door opens. It's Bob Dole! His name was a pun, and you've won the prize. The prize is a mousetrap (mouse included) Everyone loves it, and all this time you thought you were a Democrat.

Entertaining Google Image search [4]

"Monster Bite Cupcake"

Monster Bite Cupcake

Listen up, jerks

There have been a lot of rumors about this blog falling asleep or maybe dying and those rumors are squelched. More updates will come.

Here's one of our Google image searches, for "Pudding Monster"

Pudding Monster

Entertaining Google Image Search [2]

"Trumpet Accident"

Trumpet Accident