Some diseases I made up.

1. Blood Face- This one really is bad because blood comes out of your face a lot. It's often very awkward, like when you're giving blood and the nurse can't find the vein in your arm. You start to get kind of noticeably upset, and the nurse is flustered cause it's her first day on the job. Then, blood starts to ooze from your face and she looks up, so you're like, "Well, your job just got a lot easier." She looks surprised, then relieved.
2. Yawning- It's contageous like a disease, am I right? So is laughter, sometimes.
   
3. Tuxedo Skin- Self-explanatory.
   
4. Being Annoying
5. Malaysian Melting Shin Disease- This mysterious and horrifying malady is contracted in Malaysia.
6. Thrombosis- Actually, some people have this.
7. Burning Belly- I think I have this. Right now.

Ouch.

See ya.

For Old Time's Sake

A new Story With Sauce, which I am only barely authorized to write. Maybe it should be called something else.


An invitation arrives. For an eating contest! The participants can choose what they eat. Mindy chooses jelly. Haper picks nickels. You go with bacon (bits?) WRONG CHOICE! It wasn't even an eating contest, it was obviously a food-choosing contest. Who will Dole out the punishment? You're waiting in the room, the little room with the faucet drip. Drip. Hum the tune... The door opens. It's Bob Dole! His name was a pun, and you've won the prize. The prize is a mousetrap (mouse included) Everyone loves it, and all this time you thought you were a Democrat.

Entertaining Google Image search [4]

"Monster Bite Cupcake"

Monster Bite Cupcake

Listen up, jerks

There have been a lot of rumors about this blog falling asleep or maybe dying and those rumors are squelched. More updates will come.

Here's one of our Google image searches, for "Pudding Monster"

Pudding Monster

Entertaining Google Image Search [2]

"Trumpet Accident"

Trumpet Accident

Entertaining Google Image search

"lion on fire"

Lion on Fire

R.L. Stine would be proud.

So, I was watching this great program on E! last month: a rigorous retrospective on the life and career of famed author R.L. Stine, and was hit with a great idea for a Goosebumps book.

Here goes...

#63: There's Something Strange...About Dad

In this installment, 13-year-old Kevin Jones and his 8-year-old sister Elizabeth "Bitty" Jones find themselves in quite a conundrum. It seems their widower dad might be an evil warlock bent on world domination via magick (ancient magic)!
Oh no!
As the Ancient Harvest Lunar Eclipse (that happens once every thousand years or something) approaches, their dad starts acting very strange! He sends them to a camp the week of the Eclipse. The night of it, they sneak out and back home with the help of Ed, the "cool," child-hearted camp counselor who is also the only one who believes their wild story.
Anyway, when they get to their house, they go inside. However, instead of a magick ritual, they find Mr. Jones wearing the skin of a young librarian, dancing around the house in the dark with the song "Black Magic Woman" by Fleetwood Mac blaring. He's not a warlock! He's a serial killer! Woah! When he sees them, he starts screaming, "I'm a pretty boy and you can't kill a pretty boy!" over and over again. He lunges at them with a giant, bloody butcher's knife. Ed jumps in front of the kids to protect them, and takes a fatal blow to the throat, sending blood everywhere. All over the kids.
What are they going to do?!
They manage to run into their dad's room, where there is another young librarian tied to a chair. I think she's dead. They lock the door and call the police. When the police get there, they find Mr. Jones in the fetal position in the bathtub, humming to himself, the librarian skin draped over the curtain rod like a towel. What follows is a three-month long investigation and excavation of the home, under which they discover the bodies of twenty-four more young librarians from all over the tri-state area, which brings the total count up to twenty-six victims (possibly more, as they did find limbs that didn't go to any of the other victims).

Kevin and "Bitty" become wards of the state, and despite their requests, are split up. Kevin is sent to an orphanage in Houston, and "Bitty" is quickly adopted by a middle class family in Dover, Delaware.

"Bitty" goes on to become a veterinarian and amateur painter.
Kevin goes on to become a black magick warlock.

THE END

Sorry I gave away the twist.
and BTW, the Ancient Harvest Lunar Eclipse was a red herring. It's a literary technique.
Red herring on Wikipedia

I've sent several drafts to Mr. Stine's office, but have yet to hear back.
I'll be sure to keep you all updated!